i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
