I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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