the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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