Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
