need another drink. this is the easiest way
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
