I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
