Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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