You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
