I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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