I'm going to jail i love you
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
