I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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