Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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