Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
