you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
