who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
