when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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