new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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