awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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