Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
