So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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