In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
