I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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