You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
