Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize