girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
