I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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