He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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