let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
