at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
