She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
