He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I hate all girls vehemently.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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