My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm always down for nudity.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
