where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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