Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
