Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
