Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
