I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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