oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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