Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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