so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
