I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
