I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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