I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
