Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i think i have herpe
just one?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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