Cold hands, warm shart.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
