Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
