i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
