The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
