First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
