Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
