So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
