So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
