perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
