college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
