She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
