i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
