see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
