WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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