no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
