My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm too high and old for this...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
