She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
