Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
