...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
