I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
