When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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