Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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