I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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