I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
